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Dear How to Do It,
I’m in my mid-20s and until recently had never used a vibrator or any type of sex toy. Not for any particular reason, I just never felt the need to (I can easily come from manual clitoral stimulation).
During a threesome, I got to use a vibrator for the first time and while it didn’t bring me to orgasm, it felt great. I wanted to explore more on my own so I bought my own vibrator and it’s been great! I still don’t orgasm from it but I’m honestly fine with that because it feels very relaxing (I also have endometriosis and pelvic floor tightness and have noticed less pain after using the vibrator). Sometimes I even use it when I’m just lying around watching TV for the relaxing effect, not necessarily in a sexual way. My question is that sometimes afterward my vulva/pelvic area feels kind of numb. Is this normal? I’ve noticed my clitoral orgasms have been slightly weaker too and overall, I feel a bit “desensitized” during penis-in-vagina sex. Am I doing some sort of damage with it?
—Doing It Wrong?
Dear Doing It Wrong,
I reached out to Stacy De-Lin, MD, associate medical director at Planned Parenthood Hudson Peconic, New York, for some added expertise into the numbness you describe. “First, I think there’s plenty on the internet about vibrator desensitization, but I’m not sure it’s necessarily a real phenomenon,” De-Lin said. “There hasn’t been definitive clinical evidence proving that vibrators cause long-term desensitization. Most reports are anecdotal. While some users may report decreased sensitivity after using a vibrator, this is often temporary and resolves after a short period of non-use.” So either try using a different setting than usual or put the vibe away for a while.
Many women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, so you might go the other direction entirely and bring that vibe into penis-in-vagina sex. Meanwhile, it’s never a bad idea to check in with a gynecologist for an exam. Finding a medical provider you can trust, and building a relationship with them, is one of the best things you can do for your sexual health.
—Stoya
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